Flybaby's aversion of planes

"I don't want to take the plan, I want to take the train", Zoe yelled and started crying. "Planes go 'booooom' and on the train you can watch television* all the way". Trying to hide my annoyance, I told her that the plane was much faster and that it was not going to go boom, and that she could watch television as soon as we had taken off. Fact was that I have paid 1300 kr (200$) for her ticket because I was coming back from Toronto via Copenhagen to pick her up and my own plane ticket was paid for. And I really just wanted to be home, after a crazy week of travel and conferencing, seeing people I hadn't seen for a year, drinking too much for my own good most nights and ignoring my emails for a week and a half. Flying it was and finally Zoe calmed down. In the taxi to the airport, she even cheered herself up: "Mommy, I remember one time we took the plane and I lay down and slept and I didn't even feel that it went boom". Yes, Zoe, you fall asleep immediately whenever we board a plane and sleep all the way through.

She was a darling for the rest of the trip and even got the security guy to pat her down by asking nicely since the priority section was virtually empty. When we got on the plane and sat down she said something funny. "Mom, we have never been on this plane before". I told her that we probably had, it was the usual Airbus 320 that always shuttled between Copenhagen and Stockholm and there was a big chance that we had been on this before. "No, Mom, we have not been on this one", she insisted. We took off and after she lay down on my lap and fell asleep I looked up and indeed saw something new: Instead of the no smoking sign next to the seatbelt sign there was a 'no electronic devices' sign. This was indeed one of SAS's new planes that I had heard they had acquired but not flown on before. Looking around, everything was new and shiny and I had to admit that Zoe's observation was entirely accurate. Once a flybaby, always a flybaby, no matter how much it says boom when we land.

*Zoe uses the danish word "fjernsyn", which is roughly television, about anything she can watch on her iPad, the only means of watching any video type things we have.

Picking up Zoe

"You are going to Edinburgh but not staying", the girl who was polishing my nails asked. I explained that I was going to pick up my daughter, not going on holiday myself. "But to pay so much money for a ticket and then not have a holiday?", she continued. But I was on holiday. I was on holiday in Copenhagen with my family and I wanted Zoe to be there too. Besides, her dad was flying to Bangkok two days after and via Paris, not Copenhagen. I guess I could have picked her up in Paris too, but that would add one plane ticket to the puzzle. And yes, this was expensive, I had tried to minimize expenses by flying discount airlines, but it still had made a big dent in my otherwise okay Christmas holiday budget. But where I might hesitate at going out for expensive dinner and decide that presents might have a lower maximum this year (it's the thought that counts right?), picking up Zoe from her Christmas in Edinburgh was never really about choice. She is only three and I'm not going to get into the regulatory details about kids flying alone (because I actually know them for each airline and each route), but she cannot fly alone yet. I sometimes imagine creating a private kids-transportation pairing service for people in my situation: A pool of people willing to fly with a kid (out of charity) and a pool of kids needed to be transported around Europe by plane. Then you enter a route for your child and potential timing and get matched with an adult willing to fly with the kid. This would save me a lot of headache and money. I have already asked friends if they could bring Zoe on the flight from Stockholm to Copenhagen a couple of times but so far without luck. The furthest I have gotten is buying my mom a cheap plane ticket so she could get into the terminal and pick up Zoe, and the power of social networking resulting in a friend of a friend who works in the airport bringing Zoe out to my mom while Zoe's dad caught a connecting flight. The girl still seemed puzzled and I changed the subject.

But today I caught a 10 am flight to Edinburgh, crossed my fingers that the storm over the British isles would not result in any delays and went to pick up Zoe. She spent Christmas with her dad, which she thoroughly enjoyed and I was actually fine about it in the end. My christmas was full of sweets, nice food, glogg and a subset of my close family. Zoe was excited to see me and we all had a coffee before I ventured back through security for the second time that day, now with Zoe in tow, and caught the plane back to Copenhagen. Zoe was very happy to see grandma again and I was exhausted but relieved it all worked out.

I can deal with this

Zoe and I got off the train in Edinburgh after a busy weekend visiting a friend, in fairly good time to get the bus to the airport where a plane would fly us directly back to Stockholm, arriving just past midnight. I was pulling the small suitcase that Zoe thinks is hers, and pushing the stroller, sometimes with Zoe, sometimes without. Due to tram building the whole street above the station was closed off and the airport bus was nowhere to be found. I walked around and got a bit agitated; it was not easy to roll luggage and stroller around. I finally saw an airport bus and asked the driver with hand gestures where he would stop. I then rolled everything in the direction he pointed, no bus stop was to be found. I then tried to follow the bus but I got lost at a small crescent where I also hit the curb so hard with the stroller that Zoe fell out. "Zoe walk with mom", she promptly decided after I apologized and made sure she was okay. Now our flight was approaching an hour away. I hate giving up, but I also hate missing flights. I hailed a taxi and had to ask him to stop by an ATM where I could then spend £4 on taking out £20 so I could pay him. He told me the bus stop was on the other side of the station where I hadn't looked and I felt a bit stupid.

We reached the airport on time but when I looked for the desk to check-in SAS was not listed. I found a small screen in the corner with actual flights listed and it showed a two hour delay. So much for hurrying. My flight tracking application on my phone had not notified me. Zoe wanted ice-cream. I realized we hadn't had dinner and it was close to 8pm. "You can have anything", I said and continued rolling ourselves down towards the cafe area. The little convenience store had no ice-cream. The guy laughed and said "it's too cold here". Zoe broke down. I went down on my knees and tried to explain that we were going to be here for a long time and that we could look for something else to eat. At the same time they called the passengers of our flight over the speakers. We were to report to the service desk because our flight had now been cancelled.

At the service desk I was informed that they would put us up in a hotel but that the bus would not be there for an hour and a half. Then the plane would fly the next morning. "Hotel?" Zoe asked excitedly and I confirmed. At least it was not a boring hotel. We cozied up in the cafe and I let her watch non-stop children's shows on the iPad while eating the rest of our nuts from the bag and two pasta screws from a pasta salad that unfortunately had yucky stuff on it.

Meanwhile I tried not to panic as I calculated our arrival time with the new flight tomorrow: At the earliest it would arrive one hour before my students had their final exams, 10 students who had prepared and who needed this exam in order to graduate this spring. An exam I could not let anyone else do because it was project based. I can deal with this, I thought and called a colleague. "Can you look after Zoe for two hours tomorrow afternoon?". She agreed and luckily Zoe has seen her a couple of times before so when I told her, she was excited. "Zoe like Katy", she said and I sighed in relief.

When we finally got to the hotel they were quick to check us in and without asking the price I bought a 24 hour internet pass. They offered us dinner but I laughed, looking at the most tired 3 year old in all of Scotland and just shook my head. Zoe fell asleep the instant she hit the pillow and I went to work. Writing students that I might be late. Very late. Writing a presentation for the day after, which I originally would have had the next morning to do. I slept at 1 am and my alarm went off at 6:30. I woke Zoe up as late as possible and she tumbled into her clothes and into her stroller. We caught the bus as the last ones and checked into the flight. When we got to security they had implemented little gates like on the subway, where scanning your boarding pass opens the doors. Our boarding passes didn't work and we had to go to the staffed gate. Zoe started wailing when she was just let in. The security officer quickly held back the queue and closed the gate with his card. He then handed his card to Zoe and let her scan it, opening the doors. She was thrilled and I nodded at the guy: "You saved our day". In the lounge Zoe drank two bottles of orange juice and had one bite of cheese.

A tired Zoe finally on the way home

Our flight was even more delayed and in the end we touched down half an hour after my exams officially should have started. We jumped in a taxi and I prayed the whole trip that the taxi driver would drive cautiously; I don't ever take Zoe on the freeway without an actual car seat (which is also illegal), but there was really not much option here. Taxis here have booster seats but no special belts. My colleague met us at the entrance and I kissed Zoe before running over to the 20 students waiting for me. Their presentations and exams all went well.

The most difficult part of the trip was the subway home from work. Fortunately I could leave my suitcase in my office because I was going to Copenhagen the next day (without Zoe) but she was so over tired and travelled out that she didn't want to hold my hand on the train station and I had to hold her down in her stroller and strap her in. Something I have only ever done once before.

We got home and I made the bed immediately, letting Zoe fall asleep under my duvet. Then I sat down on the kitchen floor and cried. Just a bit.

Where is the bin?

For the first time today I overheard a conversation about Zoe's language. Or should I say mix of languages. We were about to board and Zoe went up to the boarding desk herself with her boarding pass and passport (England is outside Schengen) while I packed up our things. I then asked her if she wanted to have the last sip from her juice box and she walked back to me to grab it. "No, we need to throw it in the bin", she said in her adorable british/scottish accent (even though most of our conversation had been in Danish). I looked around but there was no trash can in the waiting area, so we walked up to the boarding desk that was manned by two women. "Mor, ask if they have a bin, if they can put it in the bin", Zoe said now again in clear English. I asked, but in English, because well, that was apparently the language of the moment. The woman bent down towards Zoe and offered in Swedish to take the empty juice box. Zoe gave it to her and happily followed me out to the air bridge. Before the sliding doors closed behind us, I heard the two women talk: "They were Danish", one said puzzled (note that they had just seen our passports), "But that was so cute, *the bin*", the other said, imitating Zoe's accent. "I wonder why she spoke English", the first one said referring back to Zoe.

I wonder sometimes too, she mixes it a lot, but Zoe has become more conscious about her many languages: Later on the plane she said "Zoe speak danish with Mor" (in danish), and when I asked what language she wanted her story in, she thought about it for a while and answered "Dansk". And unfortunately she often says "Zoe not understand Swedish" with a sad expression. She will be attending 100% Swedish daycare in July for 4 weeks so that will very likely change. We will see.

Gold treatment

Flying home to Stockholm from Easter holiday with family in Copenhagen was Zoe's and my first flight as gold. I hadn't received my card yet, or even been updated in the system, obviously, since the journey that made me gold (and Zoe silver) was the flight there four days earlier. But as I approached the counter I explained the situation simply. The check-in attendant (I had a small suitcase to check in since I was bringing back liquids) called up the frequent flyer service and confirmed that I had indeed made gold a couple of days before. From then on she made sure everything was in finest order, wrote a note on the boarding pass so we could go through fast track, called the lounge to tell them we were on our way (which meant I barely had to flash my boarding pass to get in, because how many single moms with 2 year olds go to the lounge anyway?). All in all the experience was contrasting our previous experience of the very same people snootingly sending me away, despite me having a baby on my back and the economy check-in line being miles long. Now we finally belong to the exclusive club worthy of American style friendliness. In the lounge Zoe made herself at home in the play area and I had a glass of chilled white wine. Arh, the jet-setting life.

45 miles from gold

My last trip to Manchester (dropping Zoe off in Copenhagen on the way) let me to the status of almost gold. It is almost unfair but also ironic that I'm so close, yet have to fly another journey (anywhere. I don't think any flights give less than 500 miles anyway) to qualify. But I'm going to Copenhagen for easter so I'm sorted. Zoe will make silver on the same trip. 

Despite my many years of frequent travel (10 years+) I have only been gold once before which comes down to my relationship: Zoe's dad and I travelled a lot together and we tended to use our miles for private travel; not only because it was cheaper but also because it enabled us to travel business class. At one point I traveled more business and first class than economy and I still remember being confused that I had to pay for a glass of wine on a cross Atlantic flight on a US carrier: "oh, we changed that a few years ago", the nice flight attendant said and I snobbishly replied "but I'm not used to be down here". In fact Zoe's very first flight was in first class, upstairs in a Boing 747-400. I learned to breastfeed her lying down in the lie-flat bed. But the flying on miles meant that I just didn't qualify for gold. Silver always but gold only one year. It didn't matter much because Mark was always gold and we went to the lounge together. I still remember the Virgin Atlantic lounge in Heathrow where they bring you whatever warm meal you want from the menu, the champagne was cold and they come down to get you after everybody else has boarded.  

There are two things I'm looking forward to when I get my card in a month. The special security queue in Copenhagen, which is much closer to the actual entrance and saves you 500 meters' walking, something quite useful when having to drag a 2 year old sobbing girl: "Zoe sad, Zoe had to say bye bye to grandma". And the lounges. The Copenhagen lounge has a special kids area which Zoe loves and they serve meatballs and olives, both Zoe's favorite easy snacks. And I presume they keep the champagne cold.

Lessons learned

Today Zoe and I learned:

1. Cupcakes are not the best airplane food.

2. People in the security line do not necessarily help you push your trays and bags down when you are busy taking shoes off a 2 year old, or even offer to help. Some people prefer to stare you down.

3. If you kick the tray table with a cup of coffee, the coffee sometimes spills into mommy's shoes on the floor. And then mommy gets mad and takes away the iPad.

4. 40 minute layover in Houston is not enough because often the first plane will be delayed and the second one on time.

5. Just because you get to go up and look at the hotel's sky deck pool at 9:30 at night does not mean you get to go in. Even if you take off all your clothes.

6. Traveling all day, a long drive and two planes, is exhausting and both big and small people need to go to bed at 10pm.

Toy essentials

Zoe and I boarded the small Dash 8- 200 that would take us out of the tiny college town where we had spent the past five days. Walking through the bitter cold wind from the gate exit, the noise from the engine scared Zoe and I had to get down on my knees and comfort her as I awkwardly twisted the top part of my carry-on off the small roller suitcase that Zoe still thinks is hers. "We are almost there, Zoe is such a good girl, let's get on the plane", I said and we walked hand in hand to the five-step entrance. Entering, Zoe looked at the stewardess and then as we walked down the aisle asked me "get something?" I didn't understand at first and we had to swap seats because we were not seated together, not even on the same row, but at last I got it. She was so used to get something from the stewardess, a sticker book, a little stuffed animal or a car, that she now expected it on each plane ride. But US airlines don't do that and I had to explain that to her as she tightened her belt. I had a sticker book that she then was happy enough to play with until takeoff. Then, completely unprompted, as the engine fired up, she put her head on my lap and before we reached the clouds she was fast asleep. I definitely had a pro-flier with me.

Our US journey was transitioning to the second part of the three. The first part had been successful in every way: I had been visiting a friend and colleague for some potential collaboration and to give a talk in one of his graduate courses. He had generously offered that we stay at his house and that the nanny of his twin toddlers could look after Zoe for the two full work days that I needed. Zoe immediately liked the twins, as well as the older daughter, so although she cried for one minute when I left in the morning she apparently had a blast. I got several hours of work done including meeting interesting colleagues and got myself involved in another (exciting) research project.

The last afternoon, however, we got a call from the nanny. Apparently one of the twins had broken Zoe's doll stroller. Was it okay if the nanny took her to Target to buy a new one? I agreed because Zoe had gone through lengths to convince me to actually bring this one in the first place. It was not a small doll stroller. It was the size that almost fit a toddler, which in turn broke it in the end, because the twin girl had sat in it, tearing the fabric. The night before we had left for the US, Zoe had packed some essential toys and included the stroller. I had hid it in the closet for the night and hoped that she would forget about it because bringing it would limit the number of shoes I could take. In the morning, however, Zoe went straight to the closet and picked it out. She eagerly put it back in the suitcase where I then attempted to dissuade her from bringing it: "Look Zoe, it doesn't fit", I tried and showed her that it couldn't get into the suitcase. She promptly turned it on an angle and proceeded to sip up the suitcase. "Look mom, it DOES fit!" she happily exclaimed and I realized I had lost.

At Target she got a new stroller and it still fit into the suitcase if you angled it from one corner to another. Next Stop: another little northeastern college town where a really good friend of mine lives and where we will be relaxing and having fun for three days.

Here we go again

On Thursday I'm taking Zoe back to her 'home country', the US, for the first time since we moved to Stockholm a year and a half ago. I have been back plenty times but only on short business trips. This time we are doing a tour of friends/colleagues and finally attending one of my main conferences where I have a paper. We will be gone two weeks. Zoe's dad is going to the conference too so I hope we can distribute the child-care between us and not end up like at the second conference I took Zoe to when she was one year old.

I have started preparing Zoe by talking about what she wants to bring; so far she wants to bring her 'big baby' and the baby's stroller. I just bought an iPad mini which I'm loading up with games and videos for the airplane ride. When we talked about the airport security yesterday I realized one thing: we will be sent through the 'old fashioned' x-ray portal rather than the futuristic body scanner that most people go through and I doubt that they will "touch" Zoe. When I explained her all this she was very disappointed.  "Zoe wanna touch. Zoe big girl, go through big scanner". I know she loves to "be touched", her version of being body searched because she always asks for it, especially if I have to go through it. The security people are usually really nice and give her a light pat down but with the freakiness about child touching in the US I doubt they will even be allowed to do it, let alone be convinced to do it. So I remind myself to explain this to her again when we approach security. Last time she didn't get touched she had a melt down and I had to go and ask for it. Who should have known that we would end up so backwards?

Don't panic

Arriving back in Stockholm this past Friday, after a short flight from Copenhagen, I was reminded again of all the impossible situations I put myself in, traveling alone with Zoe but also just living the lifestyle I do. Situations where I almost panic, loose it and do something I know I should not do. This time I ended up in the arrival hall with three roller suitcases and an overtired toddler. And because Zoe had to use the bathroom the minute we got out of the plane and it was a major traveling day, there were no more luggage carts available. Apart from the big ones that the staff use to transport bags out to the plane and which Zoe so happily likes to play with. Asking the staff for luggage carts, I got the lovely Swedish answer: "nej dom är slut" [literally 'they have ended', more like 'there are no more'].

So there I was, two hands and three suitcases. Plus Zoe's little play suitcase which she had insisted on carrying herself onto the plane, after the check-in guy had refused to check it in (yep, she asked herself, the word 'check-in' is an integrated part of her vocabulary), but which now was "too heavy". After waiting to see if something would happen in terms of luggage carts I decided that we couldn't just wait aimlessly. I hauled two suitcases to a point, then asked Zoe to stay with them while going back for the last one. That worked until we got to the big sliding exit doors that people are not allowed back through. How would I be able to get out and back to pick up the last suitcase? I decided that there had to be nice people leaving the airport who had one hand free to pull my last suitcase. I asked the first people I saw but they ignored me. They just walked on. I heard them speak Danish to each other and I approached them in Danish. That's when I decided that people would be able to see how I needed help.

I started dragging the two suitcases together, one of them obviously flipping around and sliding over the floor rather than rolling. That way I very slowly got through the sliding doors without anyone even looking at me, out to a staring crowd with tags, looking for other people. I finally eyed two abandoned luggage carts ahead of me and asked Zoe to go get one. Unfortunately they were stuck together and my 2 and a half year old could not take them apart. I left all the luggage on the floor for a second and got the luggage cart. I was shaking at this point. Wondering what kind of things other people were thinking. "Why is she that stupid to travel with so much luggage on her own?" "Why didn't she just take a luggage cart?". I guided Zoe to the elevators down to the train and we barely made the next one with me dramatically throwing all the luggage into the train while instructing Zoe not to walk into the train unless with me. My biggest fear on these journeys is of course that we get separated, her on a train, me outside or vice versa. Luggage, I couldn't care less about. Except when we sat down and the train took off, Zoe looked at me and asked: "Zoe kuffert?" [Zoe's suitcase]. Shit. Her little suitcase was somewhere between the arrival hall and the train platform.

But the moral of the story is that we survived. We did fine and I did much better than I have done many other times, I didn't loose my cool at any point. And all these situations help me realize that it is doable. And I don't even try to pretend that I know what it is like to travel with more than one child or that I know better than any other parents. But these impossible situations are what helps me realize, in retrospective, that I don't so so badly. And yes, my new years goal is to be more calm and not panic. This was a good beginning.

Passport Please

"Did you remember to give Zoe her own passport", I texted her dad, just making sure we would have it when we return to Stockholm after Christmas. For some reason you need your passport if you're traveling with plane from Denmark to Sweden and are checking in luggage (and possibly the other way but I have not tried this yet). I was surprised one time when we did check in one suitcase and they asked for Zoe's ID. Normally I would just have checked in in advance or printed out boarding passes in the machine, taking only hand luggage and go straight to the plane without having to show ID any place on the way. The Scandinavian countries have had a passport union for like 100 years and I really only bring our passports with us because with our lifestyle we never know where we might have to go on short notice. "Oh shoot" was his answer, or that is my censored version of his Scottish cursing, because he had not given it to Zoe when he dropped her off in Copenhagen airport and it was now in Edinburgh with him. Luckily Zoe is the owner of two passports and all I need is to go and pick up her US passport at his place tomorrow before I leave so we can get back into Sweden. Because after Christmas we certainly will be checking in luggage.

The logistics of the last few days have been rather insane, there is really no better word for it. I was in China when Zoe's dad left for Christmas in Scotland and he had generously offered that she spend Christmas and new years with me in Denmark (next year we will probably switch, something I don't want to think of right now). This meant that he had to drop off Zoe in Denmark with my mom. But having 50 minutes between planes meant he didn't have time to take her out and go back through security, similarly to another time where I was going to Munich. After trying to get a plane ticket so my mom could get in to pick up Zoe and realizing that around this time of year they are at least kr1000/$150, I started looking into other possibilities. It turned out that a friend of a friend is working in the airport and after a bit of back and forth emails he volunteered to come pick up Zoe at the gate and take her down to arrival where grandma would be waiting. All this was taking place when I was on a plane from Shanghai back to Sweden and I called them the minuted the wheels of my plane touched the ground. "Everything went well" my mom reassured me and I sighed in relief. Zoe was happy to be there but apparently now speaks a lot of Swedish and more English than Danish. We will get that sorted out I said and went home to my cold and empty apartment.

Today I had dinner with a friend (my only friend in Stockholm) who gave me a present for Zoe. Packing was easy because all I needed to do was repack: take out my formal presentation clothes from China and put in all the presents. Now all I need is to pack some clothes for Zoe because apparently, she was sent to Denmark with only a snowsuit, her big doll and the clothes she was wearing. But the important part was that she made it and that she is happy. I can't wait to see her, this is the longest we have ever been apart. But I gotta remember that passport, or she will be stuck in Denmark with grandma. 

China via Paris

I am in China on a tour of 6 universities with a mini-deligation of my colleagues. We are promoting and  nurturing research collaboration as well as exchange student agreements with these universities and I was selected to represent my sub-field. Or that is, I was available to go to China for 12 days because I negotiated myself out of teaching a course. At first I had crazy plans to bring Zoe but with flying each evening and sleeping in a new hotel each night, such rock-star life style is not fit for a two and a half year old. She was left in the capable hands of her dad and they seem to have a grand time playing in the Stockholm snow when she is not in daycare.

I had particularly been looking forward to my plane ride from Paris (where I was at a committee meeting) that would fly me on Lufthansa's new Airbus 380. If you do not know what I am talking don't bother, if you do, you have perhaps a vague idea of just how excited I was. But as plans go, well, they don't always go the way you plan. I was well on time for my Paris to Frankfurt flight when I entered Charles de Gaulle airport a couple of days ago, only to see the big fat red "cancelled" sign next to my small first flight. Already then, I knew I was not going on a 380 anyway. I was then instructed to line up by the service desk to get rerouted. Except the line already had about 50 people in it. So I waited. And waited. And waited some more. And asked the French woman who was on her way to Istanbul if she could look after my suitcase while I went to get a sandwich, came back and waited some more until I had waited, standing up for 5 hours. Finally, I reached the counter and the flustered, overtired (remember, she had been dealing with nasty passengers for over 5 hours) blond woman said "I can give you the direct Air China to Beijing in 2 hours. Last seat". I counted my luck and didn't ask to get upgraded. 

So I flew the worst seat ever on my most despised airline ever, but I got to Beijing, only 4 hours later than I had planned. And the best part, the thing I kept thinking, for all those 5 hours was how lucky I was, not to have Zoe with me. That was indeed very lucky.

10 questions about Zoe and Louise's travels

I have collected a set of questions that one who enters this blog might ask. It also contains hidden advise if you travel with a baby or toddler yourself.

1. Do we travel alone?
Well, no we travel with each other. But yes, not only since I split from Zoe's dad, but also before this: When we lived in the US I frequently took Zoe to work meetings and occasionally overseas travel. Her and I also didn't always go back from holiday in Europe at the same time as her dad.

2. What is the best tool for traveling?
The baby carrier, hands down. I have a Beco Gemini and it has saved me millions of times during short layovers, long walks (now that she can walk) and for having her sleep in.

3. Why do we travel so much?
Apart from living in a completely different country from 1. where I am from, 2. where Zoe was born, 3. where her dad is from and 4. where all of my close family lives (none of these countries being the same), I travel a lot for work. A lot is about 6-10 times per year. Add to that family visits.

4. Does Zoe have her own frequent flier card?
Yes, Euro bonus on Scandinavian because this is the main airline we fly between Stockholm and Copenhagen where most of our family lives.

5. Has Zoe ever been in the cockpit?
No, but if the door is open when we enter she waves at the pilots. When we leave she always says "bye bye airplane" and waves back at it.

6. Does Zoe walk through the security metal detector herself?
Yes, and she has done that since she was about 20 months old. I taught her to wait until I turn around and ask her to come through. She always wants to be 'touched' too and we often have to ask the nice security lady to do a little pat down for Zoe.

7. Does Zoe misbehave when flying?
Generally no, but once as we were boarding the plane, she walked straight over to the air bridge control panel and grabbed the joy stick to the surprise of me and several other passengers. Turns out the controls are on and working when you board. Who should have known? Nobody got hurt. Other people's kids open the car door by accident while driving. My kid moves the air bridge.

8. Worst plane trip memory?
A recent one where Zoe ran away as we were checking in our luggage. I caught her but was so upset that I shook her and yelled at her until she started wailing and we sat down on the floor in the middle of the airport and both cried and hugged for 5 minutes. Not my proudest moment.

9. Best plane trip memory?
All the trips where Zoe, straight after take off, leans against me and falls asleep.

10. Crazy coordination memory?
When I bought an actual plane ticket for my mom so she could come through security to pick up Zoe in Copenhagen airport where I had a very short layover on my way from Stockholm to Munich. Zoe's dad was away too and this was our only option for 3 days' babysitting. Problem is that now Zoe looks for grandma every time we disembark in Copenhagen. 

Flying to India

Zoe and I flew to India a couple of days ago. It was the first long haul flight I have taken with her in a year and it means she has reached 100.000 miles now (but let me get back to you on that after I have added things up). It was remarkably different to travel with a talking, walking, running toddler compared to the 18 month old stumbling, babbling toddler from last year. One major difference is that she is now able to sit and concentrate on watching cartoons or draw, or even play with her doll, by herself for about 20 minutes. Another difference is that she can walk most of the way herself on a layover, although having a one hour 15 minute layover in Munich was a bit stressful when she walked over to every single shop with any kind of cuddly bear or colorful bag hanging on display. "Se mor!"[look mommy] she said in that way only kids can, with wide-eyed amazement. In the end I had to simply let go of my fear of missing the plane (and unfortunately I have a bit of a history on that one...) and just be calm. What a nice bag, Zoe. Yes, that's pretty too. Come on, let's go, we are going to India to see your uncle and aunt. "Oh yeah", she would say, as she just realized that right now and follow me.

On the long haul Lufthansa Airbus 340-600 we got seats not too far away from the galley and the stairs down to the restrooms (yeah, I had never been on an airplane with restrooms downstairs, it had ups and downs, mostly downs when you have a not so stable stair walking toddler who loves going to the bathroom). This meant that after Zoe had snoozed for a couple of hours, letting me have my meal and watch TV comedies, she could get up and ask for more cashews from the flight attendant herself. Did I mention that this is a major advantage of having a bi/trilingual kid? She has no problem understanding English when we travel despite her living in Sweden and speaking Danish with me. "More cashews please", she said and after initial confusion and the flight attendant trying to give her apple juice, he got it. Throughout the rest of the flight she continued to ask for more and managed to eat 5 packs. And a small pack of ketchup instead of any of the delicious food that was on her special kids meal tray. As she exited the plane she waved at all the flight attendants: "bye bye airplane", to the smiles of most of them.

Exiting in Mumbai was a bit of a shock to me. Of course I knew that it would look different from what I'm used to in my little Western World bubble, but the smell, the warmth and people running around everywhere was still overwhelming. Zoe was still walking all the way through immigration but as we were waiting for our bag and car seat she got hyper, running around me in circles. I got slightly worried about her running too far away and getting lost in the crowd so I suggested she go in the baby carrier. Luckily she got excited: "Zoe little baby in carrier", she repeated and I managed to drag my two suitcases (a carry on roller bag and a slightly bigger checked in bag, along with the car seat) out towards our waiting hotel transport. Luggage trolleys were nowhere in sight so it took me a bit of effort and I was surprised that nobody offered to help me out. With a toddler on my back and two suitcases and a car seat. In the US I would have had three guys and one fellow mom asking me if they could help. We kept up the spirit and after a long walk faced the airport exit crowd. What a sight. Hundreds of people with signs, people with luggage standing waiting and people yelling everywhere. The warmth was mild but humid. After not seeing my sign anywhere a guy in uniform finally felt sorry for me and asked what company I was looking for. He swiftly found the driver of my ride and in three minutes we were on our way. Mumbai here we come. 

41 hours to get to Florida

This fall I have had a lot of travel, recently the US, more specifically Florida. I was attending a small conference where I was presenting a research paper and since I was not able to bring Zoe, I tried to make it as short as possible. Still, it was at a resort in south Florida in October so I did schedule a day at the pool, just before the conference started. Things didn't  turn out that way though.

I left a very early Saturday morning, leaving Zoe with my babysitter because Zoe's dad would not be back from his trip to the US for another 28 hours. She was a bit cranky that I woke her up at 7am but I didn’t have the heart to just leave her sleeping. She might not remember that I  had told her I was leaving the night before. She was to spend the full day with my babysitter and at night a close friend was coming over to spend the night with her, playing with her in the morning until her dad arrived early afternoon.

I left teary eyed in the morning, getting the Arlanda Express and feeling business woman like with my small black suitcase and Kate Spade leather carryon. I boarded the plane that was going to take me to Frankfurt, to my connecting US flight. When waiting for the plane to back out, we got the news that there was a technical error on the plane, the engine fire indicator was malfunctioning. If there is something you want to be indicated of, it is a potential fire in the engine. We deplaned and boarded another one, leaving one a half hour later, bringing me to Frankfurt the same minute as my US plane took off. I rushed to the service center in the hope that they would be able to reroute me via some other US destination and at least get me to the right side of the Atlantic that day. No luck. Due to the soon arriving tropical storm Sandy, many US flights had been cancelled, leaving the remaining fully booked. Even the attempt to route me via San Francisco was unfruitful. I was sent to an airport hotel, “right next to” the Frankfurt airport and provided with an itinerary for next day.

Internet and Latte at the brown airport hotel

The hotel was grim to say the least. Up until then I had kept my cool, realizing that there was absolutely nothing I could do to change the situation. My day at the pool was lost the minute they said ‘technical error’ on my first flight. But as I got to that godforsaken hotel, 20 minutes drive on the autobahn by a taxi driver who clearly enjoyed the no-speed limit to the fear of his passengers, I had had it. Not only did my 7am flight mean that I had to take a 5 am shuttle to the airport from the so-called airport hotel (“our shuttle leaves every hour on the hour”), the internet at the hotel was also limited to an hour in the bar, leaving my ability to at least use this ‘intermezzo’ for work rather difficult. But worse, I had left Zoe for this. I had left her with strangers for money when I could have stayed with her instead. Obviously this was a not really true, because I could not have left on a Sunday (tickets overseas not including Saturdays are deemed business tickets and cost the range of $3000-4000 instead of $1000, making it very unlikely my department would have paid for it) and I could not have predicted that my pool day turned into a brown german hotel day. I was probably much better off in terms of getting to the US here in Frankfurt than back in Stockholm under the circumstances. After shedding a few tears I went down to the bar and ordered a latte, which in Germany apparently is a bit of coffee with a liter of milk, and spent my one hour internet allowance surfing Facebook and random blogs.

Next morning the shuttle picked me and some other unfortunate Swedes up at 5 am and my journey to Florida went smoothly from then on. Zoe’s dad made it back to Stockholm before I left Europe, making me feel safe about leaving. I skyped with her one evening where she said that mommy should fly back to Stockholm and that “Zoe love Mommy”. I missed her but I’m getting better in leaving her for a couple of days. In the end I am returning before a week has passed from when I left her.

Runaway baby

It was supposed to be one of those easy trips, a single flight down to Copenhagen to start off our holiday. Zoe was in a happy mood and although I was a bit stressed about leaving for almost a month and making sure I had packed everything, we got out the door just fine. Zoe helped carry her own back pack and I rolled the two suitcases while instructing her to stay close. She did well all the way to the airport and after checking in we just had to wait in line to drop off one of the suitcases. Zoe was her chirpy little self but she must have detected a slight nervousness on my part when I saw the long snaking line going all the way back up to the other part of the terminal. I judged the waiting time to around 30 minutes. This is usually the time where I hope that other people will see the obvious: children between the age of 1 and 3 (4?) are not patient. They do not just stand there in line patiently and wait while their parents push the luggage cart forward. They jump around a bit and walk in and out the railings until they do really naughty things. But people don't see that we need to skip the line, in fact they mainly stare you down and wonder what you are doing in an airport with a toddler. Or at least it feels like that. The large amount of summer travelers were not an exception and the people behind me kept walking so closely to my cart that I couldn't get back in front to continue moving it forward. At one point I got so annoyed that I pushed the woman in my attempt to get to the cart handle. Did they think that if they squeezed up against me the line would move faster? We were two people away from the check-in desk when Zoe had enough. She looked at me with that cheeky smile that says 'Mommy, I'm going to be naughty and run away'. Before I could grab her, she started running, really fast, down alongside the queue. At first I thought she would come back and I yelled at her but I then realized she wasn't. I panicked because by now she was turning a corner. I ran after her and caught up with her about 150 meters down. Again, I was wondering why nobody had stopped her. I was embarrassed that I had the ill-behaved toddler and angry with Zoe. I grabbed her arm and carried her back, yelling at her. My cart was untouched and people had gone around it. Why would anybody push it forward with the queue while I tried to catch my runaway daughter? I mean, what in the world was I doing there anyway? How stupid could a woman be traveling alone with a kid? I got to the counter and threw my suitcase on the tape, got it tagged and left the cart right there. I was so mad at Zoe. When we got out of the crowd I sat her down and yelled at her, I shook her and pinched her little arms, I wanted to hit her. "Don't do that Zoe, don't ever run away from mommy!". She started crying when realizing how mad I was. I started crying myself. Who was I to shake her and scream at her? I sat down on the cold floor, in the middle of the busy airport and hugged her and tried to calm down. There I was, being the crazy mom who loses her temper with her child in public. But like before nobody paid any attention to us other than stare as they walked by.

We got on our plane and Zoe slept on my lap the whole way to Copenhagen.

One way plane ticket to Berlin

This is what I had to buy today. Not that anyone is going to Berlin but I have ended up in yet another crazy travel situation with Zoe.

Zoe's dad and I share our electronic calendar and you would think that would help us coordinate at least major travels. Well, one day he came over to my desk and asked if when my calendar said Munich for two days, did that mean I was actually going to Munich? Because, he had just arranged to go to Gothenburg for a writing workshop, which he had arranged with 5 others who could only do those days. Yes, I replied, when my calendar said Munich, I was actually going to Munich. I thought about possibilities for a few moments, including sending Zoe to Gothenburg with her dad and arranging daycare there (it doesn't cost anything to take her on the train but she is a full fare plane ticket these days), but that was vetoed by him. I actually contemplated for one second to ask a friend to pick up Zoe from daycare and stay the night with her but since this friend has never been alone with Zoe, although he adores her and she gets along with him, I didn't think it was an actual possibility. A proper babysitter was out of the question for the sheer price of it, considering it would be 4pm to 8am and then 4pm to 11pm again the next day. The only real option was for me to drop Zoe off in Copenhagen with my mom. Luckily Copenhagen is sort of on the way to Munich from Stockholm where we live so I went ahead asking my travel agent to book tickets. Tiny detail was that I cannot leave before 5pm the day I go to Munich because of a meeting at the university. There was literally only one option for flights, leaving me with one hour in Copenhagen to drop off Zoe before my continuing flight to Munich left.

Today I then called up Scandinavian airlines to find out how I get my 2 year old from the terminal to the arrival without having to go back through security. I simply don't have time for that and if I miss my flight onwards to Munich, I miss my meeting the next day. The airport told me that they have not provided non-passengers with gate passes since 2006 due to security restrictions, and it is therefore not possible for my mom to come into the airside area to pick up Zoe. I then asked for unaccompanied minor assistance, well aware that this will cost me extra. But since Zoe is not 5 years yet, they were not able to find anyone who can follow her out. I honestly thought for another three minutes that there has to be someone I can ask to take her out. A nice grandmother type or another mother with a kid who can understand the situation. It is a 500 feet walk from the point-of-no-return doors, through the luggage hall and out the big doors to the arrival hall. My mom will be waiting right there. But I guess this is one of those things you just don't do.

This is why I found myself booking a ticket to Berlin with a discount airline for my mom. It was only a couple of dollars more than the unaccompanied minor service would have been and she now has a boarding pass so she can come through and pick up Zoe. Considering how easy this was I am a bit amused about their 'no gate pass policy' since 2006. Most things can still be bought by money.

Winter Wonderland

I woke up the morning of my flight to Copenhagen to one of the biggest weather surprises since moving to Stockholm: Snow. Snow covering everything. It is mid-April. Since it was a Saturday morning, very early (I had to leave the house by 7am) nothing had been cleared yet and walking with a toddler and a carry-on suitcase was a challenge to say the least. So much of a challenge that I had to give up on catching the train that would have provided be with a cheap, but slow journey to the airport and instead head for the Arlanda Express, a 260 Skr ($38) train ride to the airport. Zoe had no patience with the snow and kept wanting to be carried ("up, up") and I almost lost my cool before we even got to the station, a merely 5 minute walk away. When I finally got to the airport, with half an hour to spare, we cleared security flawlessly with Zoe going through the metal detector after me, and boarded just as easily. In the back of my head I knew something was wrong. I have flown from Scandinavian airports enough to know that snow means de-icing and that the airports' de-icing equipment is not always ready to rock and roll; in Copenhagen for example, they drive the planes over to the de-icing area, which always delays everything. I was right. As Zoe closed her little orange extension belt, the pilot came on and told us that since one of the de-icing trucks had broken down, we would be waiting one hour on the runway. Make that two hours. Two hours where Zoe sat patiently reading the magazine, the safety instructions, ate a pack of nuts, fed her dolls rice cakes and sat on my lap playing with the window pane. I was very impressed, only in the end did she start complaining but then we finally took off and she fell asleep leaning against me. She woke up well-rested after we touched down in Copenhagen and walked out herself waving "bye bye" to the flight attendants.

I have a brilliant flybaby but I am still worried about her traveling after she turns 2. She will have to sit in her own seat on take off and landing and so far I have not been able to convince her to do this when we have a free seat. I explain to her that she is a big girl and that she has to sit there but as soon as she gets a bit bored she wants to sit on my lap. I am seriously considering lying about her age since Scandinavian airline has yet to ask me to prove her age (opposite in the US where each airline I have traveled with were very adamant about seeing either a passport or birth certificate to make sure she was indeed under 2). But then again, she will not get miles for her flight. And that is the next big thing: getting her her own frequent flyer card.

Postcard from Helsinki

Mark had workshop to attend in Helsinki this past week and I decided to spend some air miles taking Zoe here to join him for a long weekend. We flew out on Thursday and are going back tonight, Sunday evening. We are staying at the GLO Hotel Art, a newly opened boutique hotel in a refurbished castle. It is a great hotel and it has amazing service such as their carefulness of looking afte Zoe's doll, which she had forgotten it at breakfast, greeting her with it as she entered the reception later in the day. And I love that their crib has cute mummin sheets and a real little baby duvet. All alongside the usual criteria for a good hotel: free wifi, nice toiletries and an amazing breakfast buffet. This morning Zoe got her first Kinder egg (probably because of easter), a well-known thing amongst Europeans, but a piece of candy is banned in the US. It is a chocolate egg with a little toy inside and watching Zoe open it with utter surprise was the best part of it all.

Helsinki is a rather rough looking city, I am surprised to see the pavements being in such bad shape (the wheels of the stroller got stuck several times) but the people are nice and friendly, although a bit quiet. On Friday, when it was just Zoe and me, we went to the national museum. It has a workshop area on the top floor where children can touch and play with everything. Zoe and I spent an hour and a half just roaming around, grinding coffee beans (to show the history of how coffee was roasted and ground at home), playing hide and seek around the wooden building structures (to show how houses were built in the old days) and playing with old office equipment (see picture). In the end I sat down in the replicate throne to relax and just let Zoe run around by herself. She had already befriended the staff so I knew she was safe. In fact I realized a major perk of her being bilingual, with English as one of the languages: When traveling she understands everything. People kept saying "well she probably doesn't understand what I say" and I happily corrected them and switched to English for the duration of the conversation.

The plane ride here was easy. We still need to work on the 'mommy goes first through the metal detector, then Zoe goes' and she was very upset when she wasn't allowed to get her shoes checked like her mom (Stockholm airport has a shoe tester for when people beep; they alternate body search with just a shoe search because 90 percent of the times the beeping item is the shoes). The only fail of the trip was that Zoe did not want to sit in the seat next to me, which happened to be free (and since we flew SAS they allowed me to choose if she sat there or on my lap). She started off there but as we taxied to the runway she got annoyed with her belt and kept unbuckling it, so I had to take her in the extension belt on my lap. I'm a bit worried about this because in one month she will have to sit in her own seat due to regulations. As I have written about before, I might lie about her age in the beginning.

Tonight when we fly back, Mark will be there to help and since he is gold (I, for some reason was 1000 miles short this year) we get to go to the lounge and I am quite excited about skipping the queue for checking in. Other than that it will be business as usual :-)

Toddler flying tricks

Because I don't want to end up like this family (who I feel utterly sorry for, the flight crew seemed in my opinion to have been the uncooperative ones. The sharp distinction between 23 months and 29 days and 24 months and 2 days means that you have to give a bit of leeway to the toddlers that are this age. If not the airline needs to make a rule that children between 2 and 3 cannot travel. It is that simple), I have several tricks that I use and occasionally forget to use when flying with Zoe. She is still a lap infant and due to airlines' wide interpretation of lap-riding rules I am prepared to be flexible. Generally, discount airlines tend to make guidelines into strict rules so for example even though there was an empty seat next to me on the flight back from Copenhagen, I was told that Zoe had to sit on my lap with the extension belt on take off and landing.  The ironic part of course being that if I had paid for that seat she would have had to sit in it. Regardless of her 22 months of age. Scandinavian Airlines always let me choose.


In an aim to be a bit structured, here are a few of my best tricks in absolutely no particular order:

1. I still don't ever bring a stroller. If I need one at my destination I check it in, covered in a thick stroller bag cover. Our Bugaboo Bee has been on 10+ flights and still works great and looks flawless. Most airports have some sort of baggage carts and if the cart doesn't have an infant seat I am able to place Zoe on the suitcase with her feet resting on my smaller bag. This is of course completely unsafe and cannot be recommended... Most of the times though she likes to walk and I make sure to have plenty of time before and between planes. I can still fit her on my back in the Beco (a soft structured baby carrier) but it is getting harder to get her up there because I need a chair for her to stand on to get up and with bulky coats it is hard to tighten. But she still loves it and it is convenient for small walks between train and plane. 
2. Over the winter I don't put neither snowsuit nor boots on her for the trip. She gets a bit cold on the 5 minute walk to the train station but this is nothing compared to having to take a bulky snowsuit off her and try to maneuver it into a suitcase along the way. She travels in a hooded sweater and her indoor shoes which are perfect for walking in an airport and easy to get on and off for security.
3. Before, I tried to travel around Zoe's bedtime so she would be alert and awake, especially if my flights were short. More recently I have embraced the trick and fly exactly when she usually takes a nap or goes to bed. Last time this worked like a charm; she might not take as long a nap as she would usually but it is so much easier to sit with a sleeping baby than a restless one who thinks that our neighbor's magazine is very interesting. 
4. The inflight security chart is always great reading material. It has the key ingredients in a good book according to Zoe: babies. There is always a couple of pictures of babies putting on life vests and we make up stories of why they are going on the slide and how they get the door open. Seriously, better than a book.
5. Bring 'nacks' (i.e. snacks). If forgotten, buy miniature Lindt chocolates that can be carefully unwrapped and eaten slowly. Okay, that box was 100 Skr (app $15) but it will last at least a couple of journeys. Yes, I am that kind of mom who gives my daughter quality chocolate for plane journeys. Obviously she gets only apples and dry wheet crackers at home.
6. Talk to her about the actual journey before and during the trip. We have a book called 'Going on a Plane' that describes the activities around flying and although it is not by any means great story telling, it does go over the key things. I know that she recognizes things by now and she is learning to queue up going into the plane. This journey she walked proudly onto the plane herself and turned into the (still open) cockpit to the obvious amusement of the crew. "Are you going in to say hi?" was the casual response and I was happy they seemed so relaxed about it. I let her walk down the aisle on the plane and she walked as long as I encouraged her. She crawled into our window seat herself and waited for me to take her onto my lap. She seems very comfortable with the whole process by now.
7. Pick a window seat. There is no way Zoe would sit in an aisle seat without trying to get out. The fact that there is a stranger, and often two, between her and "freedom", means she has no choice. The window also provides great entertainment on take off and landing. That said, I have a very hard time getting her to sit on my lap with the extension belt (a European standard) because she is leaning on my buckle, which is probably hurting. I usually turn my buckle to the side, effectively making my own seat belt useless but with the other option being a screaming, kicking toddler, that it the safest thing to do. Another thing that I am seriously thinking of doing is lying: The crew in the air has no idea if you have bought a seat (if there is an empty one next to you) or not unless the plane is completely full, so when Zoe is 2, and if she is having a bad day where she needs to sit on my lap, I'll lie and say she is still a lap infant. That would have saved the poor family.
8. Security. This is still my least favorite part of flying to use an understatement. Especially here in Scandinavia where people are as unhelpful as a flock of sheep being guided into the fold. The security officer told me twice last time that I could not have Zoe sitting on the edge of the table where he was checking out my stuff ("routine check") even thought that was my only option since in Scandinavia they make you take out your things yourself (here the rules are inverted: the security officers are not allowed to touch your things, you take them out yourself where obviously in the States you are not allowed to touch your stuff if is it being searched). He did make up for it by fetching me a hand luggage cart and I was happy. I was also happy that they are not strict about the individual passing through the metal detector. Sometimes Zoe does not want to wait and run after me, making us go through the arch the same time. Last time I beeped but they only searched me (I would probably have had a fit if they had searched Zoe anyway). I try to talk to Zoe about it and go down on my knees right before we go through the metal detector. "Now Zoe, mom is going through and you wait here. Then Zoe comes over to mommy, okay?" I still fear the day they hold her back because I beeped (which happened to a colleague and her 3 year old son to the horrow of the poor boy).

Our next trip is Helsinki in a couple of weeks. I am flying over alone with Zoe and Mark will fly back with us. He is attending a work meeting and I always wanted to see Finland's capital. The flight is about an hour so no big deal.