Semi-staying-at-home-mom

Going from 'I think I am having a nervous breakdown' to 'this is tolerable', I am now slowly starting to enjoy the situation of being a temporary stay-at-home-mom. Especially because I have managed to get myself out of it for the most part. This week things finally came together a bit better and my upcoming weeks look something like this:

Monday is mommy-Zoe day; we go to the open preschool in the morning where I have met a couple of really nice parents that I talk to while Zoe meanders around by herself, playing, in this child-safe haven. I feed her a pre-lunch there and as I leave she falls asleep in her stroller, packed snug inside the stroller bag and several layers of clothing. I quickly find a cafe where I read an academic paper, check email or listen to an interview (research data). She wakes up 1 1/2 hour later, we go home and get some real lunch. If weather permits we go to the play ground and play and get home for dinner at 6pm.

Tuesday is babysitter day. Sasha is our new babysitter from England. She is very nice and had no clue what babysitters get paid here in Sweden so she asked for a ridiculously small amount per hour, which I had to add 10 Kr to in order to keep some sort of clean conscience about employing her, but she is a darling and Zoe and her get along really well. I go out between 10 and 3.30 pm where I get to work in a cafe. When I get home, weather permitting, I take Zoe to the playground.

Wednesday: repeat Monday, except I go to another open preschool where there are English speaking parents. In the afternoon I go to the gym where Zoe plays in the 'mini club'. I am very impressed that she doesn't mind being there considering she probably understands zero of the child-minders' Swedish. But as long there are toys, she seems happy.

Thursday: repeat Tuesday

Friday: I go to the gym in the morning and hand Zoe off to Mark who does a daddy afternoon (and works home in the morning). I go to a cafe with big candles in the window and where the owner serves cappuccinos with smiley faces. The cafe's lack of internet is also a bonus because it means I can only read and write, not surf.

All in all I get to do some work, stay on top of email and well, write a bit on this blog and stuff, while still pretending to be a stay-at-home-mom. This apparent comfortable situation of course didn't prevent me from calling up the daycare coordination office again last Wednesday, using a few key phrases such as 'I have to get back to work' and 'I was told my guarantee month was october', conveniently with a crying toddler in the background. The friendly operator (you never get to talk to the right people straight away, government services are like a secret society where you don't know the codes to get in or even find the right door) ensured me that somebody would call me back; however, I have yet to receive a phone call now Friday afternoon.

I want my daycare place now!

The most difficult part of my situation is of course still the lack of adult interaction, particularly interaction with like-minded colleagues. The research center where I am going to work is a good 45 minute commute away and I have therefore avoided going there, even when I have the babysitter. Six hours of child care can quickly turn into two hours of actual work if I spend 2 of them in transport and two of them setting up my desk. But the frightening notion that, right now, my most important quality is being able to coerce a toddler into wearing a snowsuit *before* we leave the house and get a stroller elegantly in and out of a bus, is gradually getting to me. Mark is being a star, cooking almost ever evening and complimenting me work-wise too ("Today I discovered that your X paper is now one of the most referenced papers in Y!" and "[colleague] tells me that he really enjoyed your last study of Z"). Yet, being without regular adult conversation is one of the things I can't live without and this is one of the reasons I was never meant to be a more steady stay-at-home-mom. So please, day-care people, call me back with some good news. Zoe and I are waiting by the phone.