Summer in the City

One of my vices this summer is drinking cold read wine. It came about after our 4th of July picnic in Brooklyn Bridge Park where we last minute realized we weren't allowed to bring alcohol. My friend (who is Scottish and therefore never short of ideas of how to smuggle alcohol) poured a bottle or two into a large coke bottle. As it turned out we were five people short (for various reasons ranging from food poisoning to obsessive compulsive disorder) and hence had a full two litter coke bottle of red wine left. I promptly put it in the fridge and it has been sweetening my evenings on occasion since.

Summer in New York is hot. To cool us down, Zoe and I discovered a small pool within the confounds of a playground just a couple of blocks from us. We went over one day almost too late but managed to dip out bathing suit clad bodies in the cool water for ten minutes before they closed. Zoe was ecstatic. She loves water despite being scared of it and not being able to swim yet. This is an activity for her and her dad though. I rarely swim although I like it and am quite good (fast) at it. When it all comes down to it, I'm more of a gossip-in-the-hot-tub-with-a-drink kind of person. Gotta wait a few years for Zoe to join in on that. 

The summer weather reminds me of the past two summers where we also spent significant time in New York. The main difference back then though was the better state of my finances. This summer I prioritized babysitting and summer camp for Zoe, which has cost me more than half my (sorry Swedish) paycheck. As I bought cheap generic goldfish crackers for Zoe rather than organic cheddar cheese bunnies for double the price, I thought about how I could have done it differently. I could have gone to Denmark for the month of June with Zoe, missing out on a whole month's work, which would eventually affect my career significantly because my main conference has paper deadline mid September. Then I could have come back to an empty office in August working my b** off while all the Americans were on holiday and while Zoe was with her dad. Probably the most depressing situation I can imagine. I love my life with Zoe in New York. It keeps me energetic, happy and optimistic. And Zoe has been overly happy with her different day camps, as well as her new Danish babysitter. If I had to make that choice again, I would do the same. And enjoying the cold red wine. 

Everyday structure

This morning, as we were about to leave Zoe looked puzzled at me: "Mommy, we did not do what we used to do today?" I looked at her to get an explanation. She said that I had watched TV (iPad) with her while having breakfast. I agreed. While eating my morning granola I had watched some show with a Frog teaching basic concepts of math (plus and minus) and wondered if Zoe was picking up on anything in terms of actual numbers and counting or just enjoyed the cartoons and the songs. I like the Danish math shows much better because they are more silly and weird, adhering to the Danish sense of humor. But we had watched 5 of those the previous evening.

Which got me thinking about just how much our everyday life in New York has changed and become more messy. I find it really hard to admit, but it is true: Zoe has not eaten dinner at the dining table since she came back here in the end of June. We eat while watching a show on the iPad on the couch. Part of my giving in is actually that our dining table is squeezed in along the wall with too little space for the chairs and it is so unstable that a small push makes it wobble. It is not cozy to sit there. Another part is that I don't think of this as everyday life. Since we came here it has been an exceptional time. New York was (officially) a temporary space and everything we did was temporary. I made exceptions for everything. On top of that my intense work meant that I relied on a number of babysitters (to the downfall of my finances) and still do now that she is in half-day camp. No day is the same, sometimes I come home 6:30 pm to a Zoe who has already eaten, other days we come home at 5pm and I scramble to make some dinner out of what I can find in the cabinet (pasta with butter with a side of cucumbers being a favorite).

I made rules and structures like we had back in Stockholm except they were different rules. There we had a rule about having dinner at the dining table without watching TV. Now we have a rule that says no TV until after 6pm. I used to be strict on breakfast, now I let her grab the last part of the chocolate cookie because it was there and, I, myself, had the last half of a macaron for breakfast, so who am I to judge? I truly don't think that bite of cookie is going to be Zoe's downfall to doing drugs at 14 (or becoming obese for that matter) but I'm starting to worry that I'm using the "single mom" as an excuse. I have never wanted to think that I couldn't do an optimal job being Zoe's mom, just because I'm on my own. In fact, I think I can do a better job without being with someone else that I constantly have to negotiate with in terms of what to let her do and not do. Her dad is way more strict than me, he keeps special days for candy where I let her have a little bit most of the times she asks (which is really not a lot) and he says no a lot more than I do. Instead I have no choice but to focus on her when we are together (not that I would ever want to do anything less) and I don't agree when people say "well, it's nice to have a bit of time on your own too" in relation to her spending two months in Stockholm. I don't need that kind of time on my own. I need to work during the day and I need an hour at night after she is asleep. Other than that I need to be Zoe's mom.

I think it is time for a couple of new rules. But I also think I'll talk with Zoe about them tonight. If anyone should help making them, it should be her. 

29.000 down and counting

Yesterday I "lost" 29.000 kr, roughly 4400 dollars. I recently got my tax return here in Sweden and since my official paid job started January 2012, this is the first year I'm taxable in Sweden. My job situation last year was complicated to say the least, I worked freelance as a teacher for a while, "sold my soul" (i.e. academic integrity) for money and finally got a two parted job as an associate professor and a research scientist. I was aware that each of these jobs taxed me as it was my only job (i.e. too little), but I figured that since I had been income-less for several months in the beginning, it would even itself out. I even did some rough calculations. I was 21.000 kr wrong. After calling up the very nice English speaking tax people and being on the phone for an hour, I am now more knowledgable about the Swedish tax system and how to pay back what you owe. If I pay 2500 kr each month, I will be almost debt-free by December when they start charging interest.

This brought me to my next loss. I have recently been given some specific advice from academic colleagues in terms of promotions within the Swedish university system. Without getting into details, it turns out that the advice was straight out wrong so when I asked my boss for a raise yesterday (to help pay my taxes back), it turns out I have been eligible for a raise long time ago, back in fall 2012. In fact I had had all the paperwork ready January 1st this year but been advised not to submit it due to another promotion that I will apply for early 2014. Those were the next "lost" 8000 kr. Don't cry over spilled milk I thought and submitted my application this morning. 

Accounting

Today I opened an account in my fourth country. On Wednesday I will then have debit and credit cards in 4 countries, Denmark, the UK, USA and Sweden. I also have personal security numbers in each country, which is necessary in order to get bank accounts in three of these (UK is an exception, instead they require a vast amount of paperwork including "proof of address", which usually presents a catch 22 of getting official letters sent to your address when you don't have an account yet). When I asked to apply for an actual credit card as well they questioned me if I really wanted that? Did I not just want a debit card? In the US they throw credit after you, continuously sending you offers for company affiliated credit cards where you earn points: frequent flyer miles, retail points and even coffee points. Here you don't get any points at all but instead a dirty look from your banker.

I am really looking forward to have an actual Swedish card to pay with in the shops. One of the major problems with having money and cards in 4 different countries is that you occasionally (well, often) have to pay with a card foreign to the country you are in. For US cards this is a challenge. On average they close off my card after about 6 transactions in another country. Then I have to call my US bank and tell them that I did indeed travel (like I do 5-8 times per year) and used my card in a foreign country. Then they lecture me that I need to call them up in advance and I agree, knowing that I am never going to do this because 1. between packing and planning a trip, who has the time to call your bank? 2. half the times they have not closed off at least one of my cards making payments perfectly possible. 3. Really? (Mark once had a rant at a banker over the phone questioning why they just couldn't write a note on our cards that we travel often.) But I guess if I had called them up this time I would have been spared the embarrassment of having both my US cards rejected while trying to explain in my broken Swedish that "US banks hates other countries and therefore closed off my cards" (that was as nuanced as I got). The 25 year old clueless store clerk just looked at me like I was the biggest crook trying to pay with cards with no credit. Or worse, cards that weren't mine. So I really look forward to have my own card, at least if that gets rejected it is because I am genuinely out of money and I can only blame myself.