Friday, May 1, 2015

Counting down

I have been counting down since last Friday. This was our last sushi after dance class. This was our last lazy Saturday morning. This was Zoe's last day at pre-school, this was the last afternoon with the babysitter. This was our last colored lights on Empire State Building (the view from our bedroom window). And today is our last day together before I'll take Zoe to the airport and send her off back to Sweden for two months. I have been teary eyed the whole week and couldn't hold them back when she had to say goodbye to the teachers and her new friends, or when she gave me the heart from the candy necklace with a "this is for you mom, because I like you so much". I almost forgot to give my aunt (who is flying with her) her passports because I have been trying to suppress the eminent departure.
A little candy heart

Zoe is going back to Stockholm to spend the next two months with her dad. Of course she misses him and is looking forward to seeing him and she is excited to see her friends at daycare again too. It was part of the deal I was able to make and she comes back to New York in July where she can go back to the pre-school with her friends and I can take a few days off to spend with her. Although I thought I would be able to go back to Stockholm during these months, bureaucracies and finances have not made it possible. I'm bracing myself for not seeing her at all for two months. I'll skype with her at least once per week and she is flying down to Copenhagen by herself to visit my parents (and keep up with her Danish) at least once. I'm telling myself it is going to be okay.
Zoe dancing on the 'wedding cake'

But one thing is for sure though: these past two months have been the happiest months of my life, hands down. Living in New York, having my dream job, being with Zoe every day and just having this simple and fun everyday life. Getting a pickle on the way from the subway in the evening. Having a playdate with new friends and me getting a bit of adult time. Stumbling upon a book release panel with two of my favorite scholars (and having a babysitter ready for Zoe). Zoe proclaiming that she wants a latte when we walk past a nice coffee shop (and getting her way to the barista's surprise) and her getting on top of the "wedding cake" to do a little spin on the way home late at night. I'm a single mom here more than anywhere else but nothing has phased me, no school closing (I brought Zoe to work), no conferences, no small temper tantrums or no house work (Zoe helps me clean the house and we get groceries delivered) have been of any problems. In fact, where I used to be thrown off by Zoe and her 4-year old behavior sometimes ("I won't leave before I get an ice-cream") and lost my temper, screaming at her and pulling her out, I have not lost my temper here. Not once. Instead I hug her and talk to her and we make up and talk about how we don't want to be mad at each other.

But happy times will come back in July when she returns and we can walk around in the New York heat and get ice-cream every day and play at playgrounds. 

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