Princess Zoe

We have not been in the US for 24 hours and Zoe has already been called princess four times, been told how pretty she is twice and an American woman commented on how adorable her dress was as we entered the plane. I am quite shocked and slightly scared because this is a stark contrast to when we lived here. We kept her hair short back then so even at a year and a half people still had a hard time determining that she was a girl (which I had no problem with whatsoever, but it really puzzled me that people would address her as a boy when she was wearing nothing but pink and purple just because she had short hair). Most comments though, were in the area of cute, sweet and happy baby. At almost three years old the game has changed completely and the gendering of her has been manifested in the language used to address her in public.

The first comment I put down to her actually wearing an adorable dress. I always dress her extra nice when we travel because I know that a bit of positive attention will enhance the trip (and it did, as soon as we got to the US. The grumpy Scandinavian flight attendants couldn't care less about her as Scandinavians usually don't but that is material for another post). It was not a princessy dress but a knitted striped straight up and down dress. She loves it because it has pockets which she uses for coins so she beeps and can 'be touched'. The next comments came when we had entered the US, one in fact made by the customs officer who let me get away with filling in the customs form in pencil, not ink, because of 'my little princess there'.

But it wasn't until the fourth or fifth comment on our way to the elevator after checking into the hotel that I became aware of the significance of this. The gendering here in the US is extremely integrated into the culture, even when it comes to small kids. There are princesses all over (we just downloaded Superwhy for the plane ride, which she loved immediately but it has a princess in it) and toy stores as well as clothing stores are separated into girl and boy sections. With the addressing of her in terms of very feminine terms, focusing on her appearance, this teaches her that looks and appearance are important, perhaps more important than skills because they aren't commented on as often (although of course I do). This obviously worries me and I am wondering again if her growing up in Sweden is better than growing up in the US. She does seem to have the best of both worlds at the moment with English being her first language (however slightly sad that is to me) and an international upbringing, but with Swedish gender values.

Yet, our lifestyle there is not entirely immune to the princess phenomenon because when I picked her up from daycare the other day, the teacher reported charmingly that when they had talked about what they wanted to be when they grew up, Zoe had replied she wanted to be a princess. Chocked, I told Zoe that then she would have to marry one of the Danish princes and that I thought instead she should be a researcher. Or a ballet dancer. Because that was what I wanted to be when I was her age.

This book has been in my Amazon basket for while and I'm thinking now might be the time to read it. In any case, for the two weeks we are here, for each 'pretty princess' comment she gets, I will make sure to comment on her skills, wit and cleverness.