Monday, June 8, 2015

17 days and counting

The Empire State Building was blue and pink when I snapped a picture and texted it to Zoe, knowing she would wake up to it in a couple of hours. I hoped she would be happy to see it and not necessarily think too much about me not being there with her. She would go to her daycare and play with her friends, particularly her best friend with whom she talks with sounding like two teenagers according to her daycare teachers. They are very close and miss each other when one is not there but unfortunately Katie is due to start school after the summer, a school which Zoe cannot get in to. They will be divided no matter what. Perhaps they will be able to stay in touch, but they will be spread across the world soon enough, she is Irish, Zoe is Danish and they are not likely to live in the same country again.

I miss her terribly and count down the days until I get to see her, every morning. My friend and colleague is bring her over on June 25th and I'm going to the airport to pick them up. They have to fly via Copenhagen because that was the only way I could get a ticket on my miles for Zoe and I couldn't afford one on my own. I'm hoping they will pick up some chocolate and a danish magazine on the way. And I hope that Zoe will impress the stewardesses by speaking Danish to them and English back to her friend.

These two months have been long and strange and I have discovered new parts of my mental strength, trying to distract myself, ignore the toys in the corner and not think of Zoe too much. I'm still in disbelief that I let her go back for two months because it was inconceivable before it happened. I know Zoe is also getting hardened, when I talked to her Sunday, she was too distracted by a trampoline to come to the phone and when she did she was not sad as usual. I don't doubt that she misses me, but an everyday lull has probably taken over and (thank god) she is actually having a good time with her dad, all our friends, her friends and a semi-stable life in Stockholm. She also had a stable life here but one with fewer social activities and more mommy-daughter time.

When she comes back to New York she will go to three different summer camps, one for each week plus a week's staycation with me. I know she is excited and I will finally relax again. I'm going to hug her so tightly and not let go for 24 hours and even then, I'll only let her be away from me for a few hours at the time. 17 more days.

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