Saturday, April 29, 2017

Broken heart

I don't usually write much about my love life because it is very private to me, so I might mention that I'm seeing someone, but there is a big difference between dating someone and actually having feelings. Add to that, trying to date as a single mom while trying to get pregnant, oh and splitting my life between three cities, the last five years have been messy to say the least. However, rarely dull. I'm lucky to be in a very social work sphere with a lot of men around me, being a very social person with a lot of chances of meet new people through friends, but I also lived in the heart break city of them all: New York City. My main challenge, however, is sadly that I'm an extremely well educated and (people tell me) smart, attractive woman. It unfortunately creates as many barriers as advantages, if the educational part is even an advantage at all. A relationship only works if you can have an equal informed and nuanced conversation and respect each others' educated viewpoints. I have out-argued many a first dates or left social conversations because there was no challenge.

Another problem I have is that I tend to fall stupidly head-over-heals in love with guys. Not necessarily very often but when I do, it is ever encompassing and it takes me months or years to get over it. Because as sad as it sounds it has only ever happened three times where it was actually reciprocated. And all of those three times, the guy promised me everything, only to pull back weeks or a few months later, leaving me completely heart broken.

But there is one thing I have learned about relationships, from both heart break and dating without any serious feelings: A relationship needs to have certain qualities on top of two people being in love with one another. For me it boils down to mutual respect, some essential things in common and feeling comfortable in each others' company. Then I have a few very specifics that I'm not going to mention, but these are specifics that reflect trauma from my long-term marriage where certain things just never got solved. But if they are all there, I'm in. Maybe in another 10 years.

No comments:

Post a Comment